It's very clear in your message that you love them. I think it's awesome that you had enough discernment to recognize eventually how your actions were affecting your family and that you wanted to do something to change that. I'm really sorry that your wife decided to end it and not give you a second chance after you worked so hard to provide and asked her for that chance to make things right with her. And it's clear that it pains you to realize how much you hurt her.
It's often the case that guys feel like if they provide, that's sufficient (I have a friend who's involved in that kind of relationship with her husband). Wives and families need so much more.
I don't know what laws are like where you are, but here you have to be separated for a year before you file for divorce (unless in extreme circumstances), to allow for the chance of reconciliation. Perhaps that kind of "trial" period will be enough to help her heal enough and for her to see you change. There's always the concern on the wife's part that he'll change only for a little bit, just to get me back, but then he'll go right back to the old habits. But sometimes that time alone can be a time of healing. Perhaps the family law courts where you are offer some mediation services or something?
If she's absolutely adamant, I'm not sure what to suggest except not to let her decision keep you from making the changes you know you need to make. You can't change her, you can only change you. Perhaps in the future, reconciliation will come, or you will at least be a good example to your children of recognizing you were doing something wrong, and making the efforts to change -- that speaks volumes even if you and your wife don't get back together. If reconciliation doesn't come, then you can take what you have learned and apply it to the next woman to come into your life. Perhaps some kind of social organization can benefit from you volunteering and acting out what you have learned.
I give you a lot of credit. There are many husband who don't realize this, who don't think there is any problem, and have no interest in changing.
Don't know if this helped at all.
Wishing you all the best, and thank you for giving some of us hope that there are guys out there that are willing to do something about it.
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It's very clear in your message that you love them. I think it's awesome that you had enough discernment to recognize eventually how your actions were affecting your family and that you wanted to do something to change that. I'm really sorry that your wife decided to end it and not give you a second chance after you worked so hard to provide and asked her for that chance to make things right with her. And it's clear that it pains you to realize how much you hurt her.
It's often the case that guys feel like if they provide, that's sufficient (I have a friend who's involved in that kind of relationship with her husband). Wives and families need so much more.
I don't know what laws are like where you are, but here you have to be separated for a year before you file for divorce (unless in extreme circumstances), to allow for the chance of reconciliation. Perhaps that kind of "trial" period will be enough to help her heal enough and for her to see you change. There's always the concern on the wife's part that he'll change only for a little bit, just to get me back, but then he'll go right back to the old habits. But sometimes that time alone can be a time of healing. Perhaps the family law courts where you are offer some mediation services or something?
If she's absolutely adamant, I'm not sure what to suggest except not to let her decision keep you from making the changes you know you need to make. You can't change her, you can only change you. Perhaps in the future, reconciliation will come, or you will at least be a good example to your children of recognizing you were doing something wrong, and making the efforts to change -- that speaks volumes even if you and your wife don't get back together. If reconciliation doesn't come, then you can take what you have learned and apply it to the next woman to come into your life. Perhaps some kind of social organization can benefit from you volunteering and acting out what you have learned.
I give you a lot of credit. There are many husband who don't realize this, who don't think there is any problem, and have no interest in changing.
Don't know if this helped at all.
Wishing you all the best, and thank you for giving some of us hope that there are guys out there that are willing to do something about it.
September 24, 2014 - 8:09amThis Comment
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