Every aspie is different, and every NT comes with their own baggage too. I am NT and have been in and out of serious relationships with other NT's who have lied, cheated, or otherwise manipulated my emotions for what they see as their own benefit. It took me a couple months to understand that the man I am seeing now (aspie) did not have any ulterior motives, i.e., he wasn't playing head games when he didn't call or said he needed space. In other relationships, this would spell the beginning of the end, so I freaked out needlessly until I realized this was just who he is. He wasn't cheating on me, he hadn't lost interest, he really just needed alone time.
Once I understood that he never purposefully hurt my feelings (some men like knowing they have that kind of currency over you), our relationship became much smoother. That is not to say there aren't problems--there are frequencies of bonding that we won't ever be able to tune into together. Thankfully he isn't jealous (something else that confused me at first; I was always aware of men being jealous and I have to admit to using that jealousy to curry attention), so I am free to bond emotionally in the ways that I need with male and female friends.
Being with someone who doesn't seek to control me has been so freeing. I tend to be over-emotional, and his way of seeing things calms me. I have heard that some Aspies have sensory issues, but one of the reasons this relationship is working at the moment is that he's very physically demonstrative :) It's probably a little too obvious that I'm gaga over him and I might feel differently in another year, but for anyone who is wondering, it's not impossible if your NT quirks jive with his Aspie habits.
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Every aspie is different, and every NT comes with their own baggage too. I am NT and have been in and out of serious relationships with other NT's who have lied, cheated, or otherwise manipulated my emotions for what they see as their own benefit. It took me a couple months to understand that the man I am seeing now (aspie) did not have any ulterior motives, i.e., he wasn't playing head games when he didn't call or said he needed space. In other relationships, this would spell the beginning of the end, so I freaked out needlessly until I realized this was just who he is. He wasn't cheating on me, he hadn't lost interest, he really just needed alone time.
Once I understood that he never purposefully hurt my feelings (some men like knowing they have that kind of currency over you), our relationship became much smoother. That is not to say there aren't problems--there are frequencies of bonding that we won't ever be able to tune into together. Thankfully he isn't jealous (something else that confused me at first; I was always aware of men being jealous and I have to admit to using that jealousy to curry attention), so I am free to bond emotionally in the ways that I need with male and female friends.
Being with someone who doesn't seek to control me has been so freeing. I tend to be over-emotional, and his way of seeing things calms me. I have heard that some Aspies have sensory issues, but one of the reasons this relationship is working at the moment is that he's very physically demonstrative :) It's probably a little too obvious that I'm gaga over him and I might feel differently in another year, but for anyone who is wondering, it's not impossible if your NT quirks jive with his Aspie habits.
May 3, 2018 - 9:47pmThis Comment
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