I am a young man with Asperger's syndrome and I have been dating a neurotypical woman for the past 3 months. Your comment treads water with how the relationship between me and my woman is going. I began to understand how my Asperger's worked in the past few years and I have done my best to understand how a neurotypical mind works so I can interact better.
For one, if you think a man with Asperger's is an a-hole for wanting to go into his own world, maybe for a neurotypical hive mind (meaning a group of neurotypical people with one person with Asperger's), it is. But for a person with Asperger's, we like it in that world. It welcomes us like a busty wet nurse welcomes a hungry baby. It gives us a chance to recharge so that way we can go back into the neurotypical one, and try to fit in once again. But why would some of us want to go back into that world when all it does is hate ours and make us feel bad for something we didn't choose to be born with?
Almost once a week, my girlfriend sends me on a guilt trip, claiming the whole relationship is about what I want and it's never what she wants. I disagree but I can't tell her that because that's what an A-hole would do. I simply take it and do my best to make her feel better, because I know how I can be to a neurotypical person. I spend lots of time with her, I spend time with her 3 kids, and I need my space. but it seems every free second (Meaning pretty much every waking second when we're both NOT working) she wants to spend time with me...every second of free time...when sometimes I just want to be by myself because I've spent hour after hour ignoring my Aspie side and trying to fit in with the neurotypical world. And it's like torture to an aspie who wants to be normal. that's right, I said normal. You're obviously the normal people. We're not. I'm almost to the point where I'd much rather break up so she doesn't suffer with me anymore. She would hate that. She's 8 years older than me, overweight, with 3 kids. Her best friends are never alone, her co-workers are all married or dating and she would be the only one who was single. And I would feel guilty for doing so....so I'm not going to.
Here's the thing - From my personal experience, someone with aspergers sees a relationship between a man and a woman as a business partnership. just with kissing, touching, and pretty much doing everything with the other. Their love lies in whatever Asperger's interest takes them, and that could be anything. An object, a TV show, a video game, A business corporation...and even people. I had the worst time of my life when I was obsessed with Lynda Carter because I felt like I was a stalker and I knew pretty much all that I could about her without any discretion. Ricardo Lopez probably had Asperger's and was obsessed with pop singer Bjork. Actually, obsessed is only scratching the surface. but he had so many traits pertaining to Asperger's syndrome that I believe his obsession with Bjork came solely from that. He even claimed "I loved Bjork so much, I couldn't even sleep with her. that's how much I loved her." and personally, I kinda felt the same way about Lynda. It's scary to think about, really.
Personally, I think God put people with Asperger's on the earth for one reason - for technological advancement. One of the largest traits for someone with Asperger's is their obsession with one particular subject, which sometimes benefits society. Alexander Graham Bell probably had Asperger's, which is why he invented the telephone, he had to have been obsessed with the idea of talking with people without seeing face to face. Albert Einstein had Asperger's. Satoshi Tajiri was obsessed with collecting bugs and he wanted to share that joy with a video game. That's how we got Pokémon.
Personally, I think people with Asperger's should at least have flings to keep their morale up (and from killing themselves) but there's a good chance they'll never truly change for a long-term relationship. We can only try as hard as we can. But you've gotta let us have that free time so we can recharge.
Comment Reply
Dear Anonymous,
I am a young man with Asperger's syndrome and I have been dating a neurotypical woman for the past 3 months. Your comment treads water with how the relationship between me and my woman is going. I began to understand how my Asperger's worked in the past few years and I have done my best to understand how a neurotypical mind works so I can interact better.
For one, if you think a man with Asperger's is an a-hole for wanting to go into his own world, maybe for a neurotypical hive mind (meaning a group of neurotypical people with one person with Asperger's), it is. But for a person with Asperger's, we like it in that world. It welcomes us like a busty wet nurse welcomes a hungry baby. It gives us a chance to recharge so that way we can go back into the neurotypical one, and try to fit in once again. But why would some of us want to go back into that world when all it does is hate ours and make us feel bad for something we didn't choose to be born with?
Almost once a week, my girlfriend sends me on a guilt trip, claiming the whole relationship is about what I want and it's never what she wants. I disagree but I can't tell her that because that's what an A-hole would do. I simply take it and do my best to make her feel better, because I know how I can be to a neurotypical person. I spend lots of time with her, I spend time with her 3 kids, and I need my space. but it seems every free second (Meaning pretty much every waking second when we're both NOT working) she wants to spend time with me...every second of free time...when sometimes I just want to be by myself because I've spent hour after hour ignoring my Aspie side and trying to fit in with the neurotypical world. And it's like torture to an aspie who wants to be normal. that's right, I said normal. You're obviously the normal people. We're not. I'm almost to the point where I'd much rather break up so she doesn't suffer with me anymore. She would hate that. She's 8 years older than me, overweight, with 3 kids. Her best friends are never alone, her co-workers are all married or dating and she would be the only one who was single. And I would feel guilty for doing so....so I'm not going to.
Here's the thing - From my personal experience, someone with aspergers sees a relationship between a man and a woman as a business partnership. just with kissing, touching, and pretty much doing everything with the other. Their love lies in whatever Asperger's interest takes them, and that could be anything. An object, a TV show, a video game, A business corporation...and even people. I had the worst time of my life when I was obsessed with Lynda Carter because I felt like I was a stalker and I knew pretty much all that I could about her without any discretion. Ricardo Lopez probably had Asperger's and was obsessed with pop singer Bjork. Actually, obsessed is only scratching the surface. but he had so many traits pertaining to Asperger's syndrome that I believe his obsession with Bjork came solely from that. He even claimed "I loved Bjork so much, I couldn't even sleep with her. that's how much I loved her." and personally, I kinda felt the same way about Lynda. It's scary to think about, really.
Personally, I think God put people with Asperger's on the earth for one reason - for technological advancement. One of the largest traits for someone with Asperger's is their obsession with one particular subject, which sometimes benefits society. Alexander Graham Bell probably had Asperger's, which is why he invented the telephone, he had to have been obsessed with the idea of talking with people without seeing face to face. Albert Einstein had Asperger's. Satoshi Tajiri was obsessed with collecting bugs and he wanted to share that joy with a video game. That's how we got Pokémon.
Personally, I think people with Asperger's should at least have flings to keep their morale up (and from killing themselves) but there's a good chance they'll never truly change for a long-term relationship. We can only try as hard as we can. But you've gotta let us have that free time so we can recharge.
Good luck!
September 22, 2016 - 10:15amThis Comment
Reply