I have been in a relationship for almost a year with a man that I figured out has Asperger's after I noticed he could easily tell me he loved me over the phone and say sweet things in text but never in person. He travels for months at a time for his job but visits frequently. When we were first together I thought he was just shy but now I've realized that he is unable to give me what I need emotionally. He's very into his own agenda....will sit and watch shows or movies on his laptop for 12 hours day after day. Will cook for himself and then when I ask if he cooked me any, he says oh, I didn't think you wanted any. I have a 14 year old son who he has not made effort to bond with and blames it on my son for being aloof. He has showered me with gifts, expensive dinners, flowers etc. but he's very cold and distant in person. Its like he shows his love by spending money on me. I explained to him that if he can tell me he loves me in person a few times it will get easier. He now says it but like only before bed and when we're getting off the phone. I don't feel the warmth and connection with him and I've tried so hard to put a spark into it. One time I took him to this place after dinner that overlooks the whole city. Its romantic and beautiful with all the lights etc., he just stood there and looked. Didn't bother to hold me, kiss me, say something romantic....nothing. It's so frustrating! It just seems really superficial and I'm finally getting sick of it. He hardly ever initiates intimacy (but doesn't turn it down when I do) and never gives compliments, even when I have made an effort to look really nice when we go out. It hurts and I end up having an attitude and giving him the cold shoulder. He probably doesn't mind at all when I'm ignoring him. I've told him that its strange to me that he never says anything sweet or nice and he says he'll work on it but it still doesn't happen. If we're laying down watching TV he will cuddle me if I lay next to him but its almost like he's afraid to touch me. I just don't think I can live like this. I have tried explaining to him many times what a relationship needs to be healthy and he seems to understand but just cant bring himself to act that way? Yet, he doesn't want to end the relationship. He has been divorced and in two other relationships where the women just up and left him with no explanation. The funny thing is, he doesn't seem to think those relationships failed because of his emotional absence! Any advice?
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I have been in a relationship for almost a year with a man that I figured out has Asperger's after I noticed he could easily tell me he loved me over the phone and say sweet things in text but never in person. He travels for months at a time for his job but visits frequently. When we were first together I thought he was just shy but now I've realized that he is unable to give me what I need emotionally. He's very into his own agenda....will sit and watch shows or movies on his laptop for 12 hours day after day. Will cook for himself and then when I ask if he cooked me any, he says oh, I didn't think you wanted any. I have a 14 year old son who he has not made effort to bond with and blames it on my son for being aloof. He has showered me with gifts, expensive dinners, flowers etc. but he's very cold and distant in person. Its like he shows his love by spending money on me. I explained to him that if he can tell me he loves me in person a few times it will get easier. He now says it but like only before bed and when we're getting off the phone. I don't feel the warmth and connection with him and I've tried so hard to put a spark into it. One time I took him to this place after dinner that overlooks the whole city. Its romantic and beautiful with all the lights etc., he just stood there and looked. Didn't bother to hold me, kiss me, say something romantic....nothing. It's so frustrating! It just seems really superficial and I'm finally getting sick of it. He hardly ever initiates intimacy (but doesn't turn it down when I do) and never gives compliments, even when I have made an effort to look really nice when we go out. It hurts and I end up having an attitude and giving him the cold shoulder. He probably doesn't mind at all when I'm ignoring him. I've told him that its strange to me that he never says anything sweet or nice and he says he'll work on it but it still doesn't happen. If we're laying down watching TV he will cuddle me if I lay next to him but its almost like he's afraid to touch me. I just don't think I can live like this. I have tried explaining to him many times what a relationship needs to be healthy and he seems to understand but just cant bring himself to act that way? Yet, he doesn't want to end the relationship. He has been divorced and in two other relationships where the women just up and left him with no explanation. The funny thing is, he doesn't seem to think those relationships failed because of his emotional absence! Any advice?
August 21, 2016 - 9:05amThis Comment
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