You are right. It's very important to feel loved and desired by the person you're with. If we feel unappealing or unwanted or rejected, it can totally do a number on our self-esteem and confidence.
It sounds like your boyfriend knows himself pretty well. He warned you up front that he wasn't a very sexual person, and it turns out that he isn't. That was OK with you in the beginning, but now it's troubling you because you have a higher libido than he does and you're frustrated.
I can see how the many one-night stands could make you feel insecure, but it seems like your boyfriend sees those past episodes of casual sex as in a completely different category than longtime love. Regardless of whether a one-night-stand is great or horrible, it's over in a night. But your relationship now is an ongoing, living, changing thing, and it requires work and compromise and thinking of the other person. This may be harder for him to do when it comes to sex.
It's possible that he has low testosterone levels, which would absolutely affect his sex drive. He could ask his doctor to be tested for this.
Does he see this as a problem too? Or is he fine with things the way they are?
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Anon,
You are right. It's very important to feel loved and desired by the person you're with. If we feel unappealing or unwanted or rejected, it can totally do a number on our self-esteem and confidence.
It sounds like your boyfriend knows himself pretty well. He warned you up front that he wasn't a very sexual person, and it turns out that he isn't. That was OK with you in the beginning, but now it's troubling you because you have a higher libido than he does and you're frustrated.
I can see how the many one-night stands could make you feel insecure, but it seems like your boyfriend sees those past episodes of casual sex as in a completely different category than longtime love. Regardless of whether a one-night-stand is great or horrible, it's over in a night. But your relationship now is an ongoing, living, changing thing, and it requires work and compromise and thinking of the other person. This may be harder for him to do when it comes to sex.
It's possible that he has low testosterone levels, which would absolutely affect his sex drive. He could ask his doctor to be tested for this.
Does he see this as a problem too? Or is he fine with things the way they are?
June 30, 2010 - 9:30amThis Comment
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