This is a time full of change for both you and your boyfriend. And while it's impossible to know what's happening for sure without knowing the two of you in person, there are some things that happen pretty regularly for couples during pregnancy, especially a first pregnancy.
When you got together, you couldn't keep your hands off each other. That's common! It's new, it's a rush, it's exciting. After a while, that usually settles down a bit, as we get to know our partners more and the newness wears off.
But when a pregnancy happens -- and was it unexpected? -- men can have a hard time with the transformation of their lover into a mother. They see it and feel it as your body changes and grows. It's out of their control. It's their child in there, and they may worry about providing for their new family, or whether they will be a good dad. And sex -- which used to maybe be a combination of release, fun, love and fantasy -- doesn't seem the same to them because they're so conscious that the baby is RIGHT THERE.
I'm not saying that this is what's going on, for sure. But porn would still be that combination of sex and fantasy, with no real-life interference. He doesn't have to worry about the feelings of the girls in the photographs. He doesn't have to think about providing for them or whether he will do OK during labor and delivery. He can just lose himself in the images and the fantasy. It's easier.
I do worry for you that communication seems to have almost stopped between the two of you. You didn't mention how old each of you are, or how much experience you have had in relationships before, or whether this pregnancy was planned. But all those things can affect how you communicate.
How does he feel about the baby? Does he go to appointments with you? Is he eager to hear about the baby's progress? Does he like planning for when it comes?
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Hi, Anon,
First of all, congratulations on the pregnancy!
This is a time full of change for both you and your boyfriend. And while it's impossible to know what's happening for sure without knowing the two of you in person, there are some things that happen pretty regularly for couples during pregnancy, especially a first pregnancy.
When you got together, you couldn't keep your hands off each other. That's common! It's new, it's a rush, it's exciting. After a while, that usually settles down a bit, as we get to know our partners more and the newness wears off.
But when a pregnancy happens -- and was it unexpected? -- men can have a hard time with the transformation of their lover into a mother. They see it and feel it as your body changes and grows. It's out of their control. It's their child in there, and they may worry about providing for their new family, or whether they will be a good dad. And sex -- which used to maybe be a combination of release, fun, love and fantasy -- doesn't seem the same to them because they're so conscious that the baby is RIGHT THERE.
I'm not saying that this is what's going on, for sure. But porn would still be that combination of sex and fantasy, with no real-life interference. He doesn't have to worry about the feelings of the girls in the photographs. He doesn't have to think about providing for them or whether he will do OK during labor and delivery. He can just lose himself in the images and the fantasy. It's easier.
I do worry for you that communication seems to have almost stopped between the two of you. You didn't mention how old each of you are, or how much experience you have had in relationships before, or whether this pregnancy was planned. But all those things can affect how you communicate.
How does he feel about the baby? Does he go to appointments with you? Is he eager to hear about the baby's progress? Does he like planning for when it comes?
June 24, 2010 - 10:12amThis Comment
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