Diane, thank you so very much. All of you are so wonderful to respond to me!! And the resources are so helpful!
I have changed all the locks and security codes in my house. I did that immediately, the morning after I had to call the local police to have Neil removed from my home. That was an incredibly frightening experience, to have to call 911. I'd never done that before, and to have to do so in order to get Neil to leave my home was unbelievable to me. Like I said before, I never saw this coming.
Although I was never physically abused, abuse is abuse. In the State of Arizona, verbal abuse is considered domestic violence, just the same way as physical abuse is considered domestic violence. I didn't know this at all before I filed for my Order of Protection. I had no idea what domestic violence was until I started meeting with the local police department's Victim Services program. I've learned that there is no difference in the Arizona courts between physical and verbal violence. They are both forms of violence. And they are just as frightening and insidious and devastating. Verbal abuse leaves internal scars - you may not be able to see them but I think that they can at times be even worse and linger much longer than the results of physical abuse.
My perception of domestic violence and abuse is totally different now. I used to think along the lines that you mentioned in your comment, where you were thankful that your friend wasn't physically abused. Now I understand that there is absolutely no difference. (For a woman who is physically abused, I'd never say that I'm thankful she wasn't verbally abused....)
I am extremely afraid. At all times. Even with the locks changed, etc. And I'm so incredibly tired of being afraid. It's exhausting being in "flight or fight mode." Not being afraid was something I completely took for granted in my "previous life," before all of this happened. Neil was supposed to be one of the good guys. Working for Homeland Security, he's "supposed" to keep people safe. That's supposed to be his job. I completely trusted him and never even saw an Order of Protection on my horizon when we married. It's crazy to have your world turned upside down like this and to be so caught off guard.
The thing that worries me, besides the safety factor and all of the stress involved in dealing with the court system while trying to make sure my Order of Protection is upheld, is the fact that I don't think I'll ever be able to trust another man again ever. And that kills me. I've always been so trusting - in people, in life - that was a part of my nature as long as I can remember. And it's been stripped away. How can I ever trust again after this?
Comment Reply
Diane, thank you so very much. All of you are so wonderful to respond to me!! And the resources are so helpful!
I have changed all the locks and security codes in my house. I did that immediately, the morning after I had to call the local police to have Neil removed from my home. That was an incredibly frightening experience, to have to call 911. I'd never done that before, and to have to do so in order to get Neil to leave my home was unbelievable to me. Like I said before, I never saw this coming.
Although I was never physically abused, abuse is abuse. In the State of Arizona, verbal abuse is considered domestic violence, just the same way as physical abuse is considered domestic violence. I didn't know this at all before I filed for my Order of Protection. I had no idea what domestic violence was until I started meeting with the local police department's Victim Services program. I've learned that there is no difference in the Arizona courts between physical and verbal violence. They are both forms of violence. And they are just as frightening and insidious and devastating. Verbal abuse leaves internal scars - you may not be able to see them but I think that they can at times be even worse and linger much longer than the results of physical abuse.
My perception of domestic violence and abuse is totally different now. I used to think along the lines that you mentioned in your comment, where you were thankful that your friend wasn't physically abused. Now I understand that there is absolutely no difference. (For a woman who is physically abused, I'd never say that I'm thankful she wasn't verbally abused....)
I am extremely afraid. At all times. Even with the locks changed, etc. And I'm so incredibly tired of being afraid. It's exhausting being in "flight or fight mode." Not being afraid was something I completely took for granted in my "previous life," before all of this happened. Neil was supposed to be one of the good guys. Working for Homeland Security, he's "supposed" to keep people safe. That's supposed to be his job. I completely trusted him and never even saw an Order of Protection on my horizon when we married. It's crazy to have your world turned upside down like this and to be so caught off guard.
The thing that worries me, besides the safety factor and all of the stress involved in dealing with the court system while trying to make sure my Order of Protection is upheld, is the fact that I don't think I'll ever be able to trust another man again ever. And that kills me. I've always been so trusting - in people, in life - that was a part of my nature as long as I can remember. And it's been stripped away. How can I ever trust again after this?
June 14, 2010 - 12:28pmThis Comment
Reply