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Kristin,

Missie and Susan gave you excellent resources, so I won't search for more. But I just wanted to add my support and sympathy to the situation you have been in and are going through.

A best friend went through a very scary situation with an alcoholic husband who emotionally abused her (thankfully, it never escalated to physical abuse). She also felt that she'd somehow lost her way. Her self-esteem was devastated. She was overwhelmed with the thought that she had "failed" in marriage (it was her second marriage as well) even though it was his fault that it came apart. It took her a couple of years, I would say, before she felt truly whole again.

Don't be hard on yourself. Clearly, this man was hiding his true self from you, and if he hid it for six months, he could just as easily have hidden it for a year. When someone is being deceptive, all bets are off. You fell in love, you made your best judgment based on what you knew, and you made a commitment. I don't see a downfall there.

I hate that you are scared. I hope that you take Missy's advice and have already had all the locks changed and the prepaid cell phones purchased. You could also have motion-sensor lights installed around the outside of your home if they would add more security.

Were you ever physically harmed? Are you afraid of possible physical harm now? I am so glad you have the support of your first husband and your children's father. That is a huge help right now, I know.

OK, I lied. I did find another resource. You might find this site helpful:

http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?statelaw_name=Restraining%20Orders&state_code=AZ

Please keep writing. So many women have experienced what you are going through right now. Just take one day at a time (so easy to say, so hard to do) and let your instincts guide you. They are still good.

June 14, 2010 - 9:45am

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