Really? Why would she care if they thought she was generous when..ahhh. I am being a NT...My bad! You are spot on! It's not about how she wants them to perceive her but how she wants to feel herself. That is the key right there! She is only concerned with her own likes and feelings because she is clueless that others really exist. as separate feeling and thinking entities. I think about how I impact on others and, while not driving everything I do, I like to consider how others will feel about me but also how they will feel in general. Will they be comfortable? Will they be relaxed? Will they be glad to come over and will they enjoy the evening. What can I do to make their evening even better? Do they have any favorite foods? Can I get them? What can make the meal more fun for the kids? How about interjecting some fun thanksgiving themed activity for them? What do the kids think is a special treat for their drinks. And I have to admit that I also think about how they will view me. Will they feel I was thoughtful about what they like/needed/enjoyed. If they think I was thoughtful and attentive they will like me and will also enjoy spending time with me. So, maybe we can get together more often in the future. So,.... the key is that offering dinner to people makes her feel important and generous. And she can feel that way even though she has been nasty towards the very people she is placing in a position to make her feel generous. If I were her, I would presume everyone would be uncomfortable since she has made it so clear she dislikes them. But she does not consider their perspective and so she is protected from any negative thoughts about her own behavior and its impact. She is driven only by what she likes-as simple as that-and as simple and shallow as she is. That is why she does not feel compelled to do the things most people would do to make others feel comfortable and included. I'd also be totally embarrassed to invite people over who I had alienated because I would think they would view me as being "off"-but she has no such embarrassment. If she read this, she would say "well of course" she would invite them over. And she would not see that as conflicting with her negative view of them. It really is a disorder that is so hard on those around the individual while many Aspies have a "who me?" view -never seeing the awful impact they have on others. Moving through life saying and doing things that send the people around them into apoplexy while being oblivious to that fact. Then when NT say or do something that shows that they have been impacted negatively by the Aspie, watch out.
You are right! Sad! I think I need an Aspie translator. Thanks for your post.
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Really? Why would she care if they thought she was generous when..ahhh. I am being a NT...My bad! You are spot on! It's not about how she wants them to perceive her but how she wants to feel herself. That is the key right there! She is only concerned with her own likes and feelings because she is clueless that others really exist. as separate feeling and thinking entities. I think about how I impact on others and, while not driving everything I do, I like to consider how others will feel about me but also how they will feel in general. Will they be comfortable? Will they be relaxed? Will they be glad to come over and will they enjoy the evening. What can I do to make their evening even better? Do they have any favorite foods? Can I get them? What can make the meal more fun for the kids? How about interjecting some fun thanksgiving themed activity for them? What do the kids think is a special treat for their drinks. And I have to admit that I also think about how they will view me. Will they feel I was thoughtful about what they like/needed/enjoyed. If they think I was thoughtful and attentive they will like me and will also enjoy spending time with me. So, maybe we can get together more often in the future. So,.... the key is that offering dinner to people makes her feel important and generous. And she can feel that way even though she has been nasty towards the very people she is placing in a position to make her feel generous. If I were her, I would presume everyone would be uncomfortable since she has made it so clear she dislikes them. But she does not consider their perspective and so she is protected from any negative thoughts about her own behavior and its impact. She is driven only by what she likes-as simple as that-and as simple and shallow as she is. That is why she does not feel compelled to do the things most people would do to make others feel comfortable and included. I'd also be totally embarrassed to invite people over who I had alienated because I would think they would view me as being "off"-but she has no such embarrassment. If she read this, she would say "well of course" she would invite them over. And she would not see that as conflicting with her negative view of them. It really is a disorder that is so hard on those around the individual while many Aspies have a "who me?" view -never seeing the awful impact they have on others. Moving through life saying and doing things that send the people around them into apoplexy while being oblivious to that fact. Then when NT say or do something that shows that they have been impacted negatively by the Aspie, watch out.
You are right! Sad! I think I need an Aspie translator. Thanks for your post.
November 18, 2011 - 4:44pmThis Comment
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