Eureka!!!
Thank you for this post!! A post that has allowed me to understand not only my childhood (as a NT son of an AS mother), but most of my adult life! Oh sure, my As mother tried her best (and I congratulate all AS mothers and fathers who do their best), but something was and continues to be absent, namely a true, genuine connection. Going through the motions does not suffice!!! Saying you love your child but not feeling it.....not living it on an emotional level......not being able to empathize........is actually worse!! Why? For the confusion it brings!!! My mother appears to care for me.....yet, I don't feel anything!!!! I call it egg-shell love...it looks like love, but it is devoid of any content, of any meaning!!!
I now realize why as an NT child, I became a jester of sorts, always trying to elicit a smile, a laugh from both my mother and AS siblings!! I needed to relate on an emotional level and that's the only way I knew how!!
I also realize how my AS mother shaped my later life.....as I married an AS woman (now divorced) with whom I had five children all of whom I suspect are on the spectrum. I guess I had come to see my mother as the norm in so far as women were concerned!! Boy, was I wrong!!
Interestingly, I see enormous parallels between my life and that of my father who was NT (and my maternal grandfather who was also NT, married to my maternal grandmother who was AS-I firmly believe). My poor dad and maternal grandfather!!
The thing that kills me about AS spouses is their proclivity to blame the other for the problems in the marriage. My grandmother, my mother and my wife!!! Three peas in the AS pod!! With the benefit of hindsight, I now realize that their narratives were all factually wrong, extremely self-serving and mean-spirited.
On another note, AS is a terrible disease!!! And pernicious as those affected appear to be normal. Which only contributes to the confusion.
I feel sorry for those with AS.....however, I have a life to live....I want to be happy.....and if God willing, I will be!!
Thank you and God Bless
Bernard
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Eureka!!!
April 10, 2011 - 6:31amThank you for this post!! A post that has allowed me to understand not only my childhood (as a NT son of an AS mother), but most of my adult life! Oh sure, my As mother tried her best (and I congratulate all AS mothers and fathers who do their best), but something was and continues to be absent, namely a true, genuine connection. Going through the motions does not suffice!!! Saying you love your child but not feeling it.....not living it on an emotional level......not being able to empathize........is actually worse!! Why? For the confusion it brings!!! My mother appears to care for me.....yet, I don't feel anything!!!! I call it egg-shell love...it looks like love, but it is devoid of any content, of any meaning!!!
I now realize why as an NT child, I became a jester of sorts, always trying to elicit a smile, a laugh from both my mother and AS siblings!! I needed to relate on an emotional level and that's the only way I knew how!!
I also realize how my AS mother shaped my later life.....as I married an AS woman (now divorced) with whom I had five children all of whom I suspect are on the spectrum. I guess I had come to see my mother as the norm in so far as women were concerned!! Boy, was I wrong!!
Interestingly, I see enormous parallels between my life and that of my father who was NT (and my maternal grandfather who was also NT, married to my maternal grandmother who was AS-I firmly believe). My poor dad and maternal grandfather!!
The thing that kills me about AS spouses is their proclivity to blame the other for the problems in the marriage. My grandmother, my mother and my wife!!! Three peas in the AS pod!! With the benefit of hindsight, I now realize that their narratives were all factually wrong, extremely self-serving and mean-spirited.
On another note, AS is a terrible disease!!! And pernicious as those affected appear to be normal. Which only contributes to the confusion.
I feel sorry for those with AS.....however, I have a life to live....I want to be happy.....and if God willing, I will be!!
Thank you and God Bless
Bernard
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