I am an NT who grew up with a father who has AS. We actually had identified this as a family when I was about 12 or so; so knowledge is power, this combined with my mom's social work background led to probably at least a more clear idea of what the struggles we faced as a family actually were, so that's good. My parents both had extremely difficult and abusive upbringings. I did feel like a surrogate parent to both of them since I was young, and still find myself fighting that role today. My dad's shortcomings are understandable; but my mom feels like she has not gotten enough love and attention in her life and dealing with a husband with AS has made her life even more difficult. She is kind of chronically needy in an emotionally manipulative way. She will explode or be in tears if she doesn't get her way. She has always treated me like a best friend to lean on, an extension of her own identity and not a child to develop and encourage in my own individuality. I have always felt forgotten. I wasn't a problem for anyone, so my underperforming and ADHD and depression went completely unnoticed while everyone just wanted more from me. I actually have spent 10 years putting my foot down with my mother. Telling her it is inappropriate for her to vent to me about my father all the time, and that I won't stand for it. That I need my own life separate from her. That her calling me from Walmart while trying to pick paint samples is ridiculous when she is an adult and I can't see the paint colors. My dad, who has AS, is actually embarrassed by my mother's antics so he self-isolates from me as to not cause any more strain than already has been/is being inflicted. I moved away a couple years ago, and have no idea what I am going to do when I actually want to start a family. Common logic and my mother strongly dictate that I need to be near to them.....but in a way life is simpler apart.
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I am an NT who grew up with a father who has AS. We actually had identified this as a family when I was about 12 or so; so knowledge is power, this combined with my mom's social work background led to probably at least a more clear idea of what the struggles we faced as a family actually were, so that's good. My parents both had extremely difficult and abusive upbringings. I did feel like a surrogate parent to both of them since I was young, and still find myself fighting that role today. My dad's shortcomings are understandable; but my mom feels like she has not gotten enough love and attention in her life and dealing with a husband with AS has made her life even more difficult. She is kind of chronically needy in an emotionally manipulative way. She will explode or be in tears if she doesn't get her way. She has always treated me like a best friend to lean on, an extension of her own identity and not a child to develop and encourage in my own individuality. I have always felt forgotten. I wasn't a problem for anyone, so my underperforming and ADHD and depression went completely unnoticed while everyone just wanted more from me. I actually have spent 10 years putting my foot down with my mother. Telling her it is inappropriate for her to vent to me about my father all the time, and that I won't stand for it. That I need my own life separate from her. That her calling me from Walmart while trying to pick paint samples is ridiculous when she is an adult and I can't see the paint colors. My dad, who has AS, is actually embarrassed by my mother's antics so he self-isolates from me as to not cause any more strain than already has been/is being inflicted. I moved away a couple years ago, and have no idea what I am going to do when I actually want to start a family. Common logic and my mother strongly dictate that I need to be near to them.....but in a way life is simpler apart.
February 27, 2016 - 4:18pmThis Comment
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