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I have only come to realise my mother is most likely someone with Asperger's. She's in her 70s now and there is no way she will get a diagnosis, partly because of her age but mostly because she has been in denial most of her life about the effect she has on others.

All 3 of her children have some kind of mental health issue. I had severed depression at 13 which I got no help for because she did not see it, later on I was diagnosed with bipolar. One sister developed OCD and the other anxiety/panic disorder. One sister spoke with a psychiatrist and without diagnosing her, agreed she sounded like she was narcissistic. I have since discovered many people with ASD are misdiagnosed with narcissism.

I could never understand why my mother couldn't love me like other mothers. We never had bonding moments as mother and child. Nothing was ever good enough or right. She would send me to the shop to buy things and when I got back I had always forgotten something even though she had never told me she wanted it in the firs place. Eventually I made her write me a list and even then, her response was I should have known. She could never be wrong and I could never be right. She would find ways to embarrass me in front of others, often pointing out my faults - or her perception of my faults. Never told anything positive about me at all. When I was a child she told me she could not hug me anymore because girls didn't do that. She had no perception of hugging her daughter as different to sexual intimacy!

She turned me into her emotional parent and I was forced to be the emotional parent of my sisters, to at least ensure they got what I didn't. I had chronic low self esteem, repressed anger and sought out unhelpful attention from others. Not to mention the bipolar which I have no doubt these experiences contributed toward.

And yes, there is almost nothing for adult NT children of AS parents. It's like everyone thinks we are all grown up and it's too late for us. Yet more insult to the wound.

The other FB group does not seem to be there, so I have started another for NT adult children of AS parents - diagnosed or not. It is especially for those of us who grew up without knowing the 'why' behind their behaviour. It is a closed group. Please check it out and maybe we can support each other.

September 15, 2015 - 8:47pm


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