I was the one who identified my mother as an aspie, and it REALLY HELPED when I learned that my mother had aspergers. What I realized was, the way she behaved was not personal to me. It was not my fault, and nothing she said or did had to do with my behavior, -- her inability to empathize with me was not because of something wrong with me. (Not that I thought so consciously before, but I always felt she was accusing me of something- then later, I realized she was just expressing how she needed the world around her to be.) Definitely tell your daughter, regardless of whether you are able to tell her father. It will help her.
After I theorized that she had it, I showed my mom all the things I'd read that made me think so, and she saw herself in it. And it helped her tremendously too, because she felt like she tried so hard yet kept failing, and now she realized there was a reason why she had so much trouble in relationships, and she was extremely grateful to me. It's been nothing but positive.