I just recently found information on Asperger's because my daughter has exhibited some anti social behavior and the word was brought to me as a possible reason. What I found was that my daughter had learned behaviors that I had given her - that I had learned because I too walked on eggshells my whole life. While my daughter did not fit the diagnosis, my mother did. Empathy is a behavior that is both inherent and learned. Since no one taught it to me I had to learn it on my own so I did not know when and how to intervene in her earlier years to teach her right from wrong. Ironically when she wan in daycare all was wonderful. It wasn't until she entered school and I no longer had a "second mother" to help me that things started to go downhill. However, in situations where empathy is expected as a natural reaction she has it in spades. And when I talk to her about the things she needs to work on she listens and wants to do those things so people like her more. Unfortunately though, I no longer talk to my mother, I could not bear the burden anymore. It makes me very sad and I miss her terribly; however, just when I think "maybe this time...." I remember that a brick wall is waiting for me on the other side of that conversation and I don't want to bring that hurt and shame home to my daughter. I am grateful for all the AS information I have found and the people who have posted and made me feel normal for the first time in my life. All of your stories have helped me identify the things that my mother could not teach me and has helped me identify how I have let my daughter down and I'm happy to say that, as scared as I was that she wouldn't, she had reacted appropriately to my direction. You see the unfortunate thing for an NT child (especially an only child) of an AS mother; you learn to parent as a child as you parent your own parent so when you are then a parent you're not always sure of what your doing. So to all of you who have posted and helped me you are forever in my gratitude.
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I just recently found information on Asperger's because my daughter has exhibited some anti social behavior and the word was brought to me as a possible reason. What I found was that my daughter had learned behaviors that I had given her - that I had learned because I too walked on eggshells my whole life. While my daughter did not fit the diagnosis, my mother did. Empathy is a behavior that is both inherent and learned. Since no one taught it to me I had to learn it on my own so I did not know when and how to intervene in her earlier years to teach her right from wrong. Ironically when she wan in daycare all was wonderful. It wasn't until she entered school and I no longer had a "second mother" to help me that things started to go downhill. However, in situations where empathy is expected as a natural reaction she has it in spades. And when I talk to her about the things she needs to work on she listens and wants to do those things so people like her more. Unfortunately though, I no longer talk to my mother, I could not bear the burden anymore. It makes me very sad and I miss her terribly; however, just when I think "maybe this time...." I remember that a brick wall is waiting for me on the other side of that conversation and I don't want to bring that hurt and shame home to my daughter. I am grateful for all the AS information I have found and the people who have posted and made me feel normal for the first time in my life. All of your stories have helped me identify the things that my mother could not teach me and has helped me identify how I have let my daughter down and I'm happy to say that, as scared as I was that she wouldn't, she had reacted appropriately to my direction. You see the unfortunate thing for an NT child (especially an only child) of an AS mother; you learn to parent as a child as you parent your own parent so when you are then a parent you're not always sure of what your doing. So to all of you who have posted and helped me you are forever in my gratitude.
October 11, 2012 - 9:03amThis Comment
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