My daughter is almost 12. There has always been a severe and profound emotional disconnect between her and her father -- which he placed full blame on me and accused me of "parental alienation." (turning her against him)
In spite of more time with dad-- their relationship continues to deteriorate and my daughter feels unloved and depressed. She is also becoming very angry and resentful of his emotional coldness and aloofness toward her feelings. I have started seeing a rage building within her that I have never seen before.
Her therapist suggested (after a year of observation with the whole family) that dad probably has AS. After knowing this man for 17 years... so many things make perfect sense now. Even my daughter's fears about dad "flapping his hands and mumbling to himself in the kitchen." I now realize that this is called "stimming."
While I am relieved, I am also terrified because I fear that dad will never accept the idea that anything could be "wrong" with him. He will see this possible diagnosis as a personal attack on his parenting skills and his character. That is wholly unacceptable to him. But, my daughter should not have to continue to suffer either. I know that if he could accept it and get some help for it... there is the possibility that they may still be able to improve their relationship. I am also afraid that if he refuses to get help or accept -- she will take it as another painful disregard to her and the hopes she has of having a "bond" with her father, whom she loves, but feels he does not love her back.
Any suggestions on how to approach the person with AS when they deny any responsibility? I don't want to send him into another vindictive smear campaign or cause him pain or insult... I just want my daughter to be able to feel like her father loves her and is trying to get help to improve their relationship so she can feel somewhat connected to him for the firt time in her life.