Yes, people with Aspergers marry. I know quite a few of them. And now that I have become aware of Asperger's Syndrome, I think there are alot of them. And it explains alot of things in relationships that use to puzzle me. Things that use to absolutely stymie me.
Couldn't figure out, what is going on? Now it makes sense. Sort of.
I admire your perseverance. That's a tough lonely situation you've been in. And I know it's hard to say how much it can improve.
But you have tools you didn't have for the first forty years. Things are a bit better. If you can keep studying Aspergers, and keep using your tools ... Speak up, clearly and concisely -- that seems to be the thing I observe most often -- if the non-Aspergers spouse can learn to speak up about things that don't seem like they should need to be put into words, things work better.
That and, try not to take things personally. They're not trying to hurt you, they don't know they're hurting you. Unless you tell them. And many folks with Asperger's once aware that they're hurting another, are eager and conscientious to make it stop.
And then in other relationships what seems to make the difference is to find other interests, other friends to get the relational interaction they need to be able to find satisfaction in life. Then their partner's lack of involvement doesn't have to be so central for them.
Whatever methods are helping, Jean, I'm glad they're helping, even a bit.
This whole Asperger's thing is still so new, not very well known yet. A message like yours may be read by someone struggling and bewildered, and may help bring some light for them.
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Hi Jean,
Yes, people with Aspergers marry. I know quite a few of them. And now that I have become aware of Asperger's Syndrome, I think there are alot of them. And it explains alot of things in relationships that use to puzzle me. Things that use to absolutely stymie me.
Couldn't figure out, what is going on? Now it makes sense. Sort of.
I admire your perseverance. That's a tough lonely situation you've been in. And I know it's hard to say how much it can improve.
But you have tools you didn't have for the first forty years. Things are a bit better. If you can keep studying Aspergers, and keep using your tools ... Speak up, clearly and concisely -- that seems to be the thing I observe most often -- if the non-Aspergers spouse can learn to speak up about things that don't seem like they should need to be put into words, things work better.
That and, try not to take things personally. They're not trying to hurt you, they don't know they're hurting you. Unless you tell them. And many folks with Asperger's once aware that they're hurting another, are eager and conscientious to make it stop.
And then in other relationships what seems to make the difference is to find other interests, other friends to get the relational interaction they need to be able to find satisfaction in life. Then their partner's lack of involvement doesn't have to be so central for them.
Whatever methods are helping, Jean, I'm glad they're helping, even a bit.
This whole Asperger's thing is still so new, not very well known yet. A message like yours may be read by someone struggling and bewildered, and may help bring some light for them.
Thank you for writing.
November 20, 2010 - 9:09amThis Comment
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