I guess it's our own human nature to find fault in ourselves when we can't control the outcome of events. We look for ways that we could have. Somehow, some way, we could have changed the course of history had we only done this, had we only concentrated on that.
My best friend's niece was killed when a semi-truck driver with brakes that had not been maintained slammed into the family car on the highway. The driver was arrested and is in jail; the trucking company was found liable and was massively fined; the brakes were found to not only have not been maintained, but they had been tied up out of the way. It was a horrible state of affairs, and the trucking company was clearly responsible.
But do you know that to this day, the niece's father (who was driving at the time) still runs the what-ifs, and still feels like if he hadn't chosen that road, or if he hadn't decided where they would eat lunch, Beth would still be here. He blames himself for not being able to protect his daughter. (And the reality is that it is amazing the rest of them even got out alive.)
What you're doing -- writing about this -- is teaching others to not trust the lies, to not go easy, to be active and assertive when a loved one has anorexia. That's amazing, and brave, and very generous of you. You are helping other people. My hope for you is that you can do it without guilt.
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Mary,
I guess it's our own human nature to find fault in ourselves when we can't control the outcome of events. We look for ways that we could have. Somehow, some way, we could have changed the course of history had we only done this, had we only concentrated on that.
My best friend's niece was killed when a semi-truck driver with brakes that had not been maintained slammed into the family car on the highway. The driver was arrested and is in jail; the trucking company was found liable and was massively fined; the brakes were found to not only have not been maintained, but they had been tied up out of the way. It was a horrible state of affairs, and the trucking company was clearly responsible.
But do you know that to this day, the niece's father (who was driving at the time) still runs the what-ifs, and still feels like if he hadn't chosen that road, or if he hadn't decided where they would eat lunch, Beth would still be here. He blames himself for not being able to protect his daughter. (And the reality is that it is amazing the rest of them even got out alive.)
What you're doing -- writing about this -- is teaching others to not trust the lies, to not go easy, to be active and assertive when a loved one has anorexia. That's amazing, and brave, and very generous of you. You are helping other people. My hope for you is that you can do it without guilt.
July 8, 2009 - 8:30amThis Comment
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