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Wow, that's a complicated situation. Your former mother-in-law is so blessed to have the support of you and your husband, and I know you feel blessed that she loves your children so much.

In terms of pancreatic cancer, here's a University of Maryland description of the stages it can go through:

http://www.umgcc.org/gi_program/pan-stages.htm

Unfortunately, that's more of a technical description, and from what you say, I'm not sure her cancer ever spread to another place. Here's a similar page that is a little less technical:

http://www.ehow.com/how_2033533_stages-pancreatic-cancer.html

And here's a page with some information on gastritis, from the Mayo Clinic. Gastritis can certainly be the reason that she can't keep food down:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/gastritis/DS00488

Be sure to note the blue links on the left side of that page that say things like "causes" and "treatment." Treatments tend to focus on neutralizing the acid in a person's stomach and treating any underlying infection. Does it seem like this is what her doctors are working on right now?

Here's one more good reference on gastritis:

http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec09/ch121/ch121b.html

I know it's tough to not be able to gauge how someone is doing, for real. But I'll tell you something -- even if you had access to everything the doctors said, you might not have a better idea. And that's because you are right when you say that every individual is so different. My husband's aunt was in the hospital weeks ago with unexplained bleeding in her stomach. For various reasons they couldn't find what was going on. She went downhill, and then further downhill. Family gathered, for fear that they were about to lose her, and a conversation even revolved around hospice care.

Turns out now she is fine, the bleeding stopped (they still don't know why), she's out of the hospital and continues to recover. Medicine is still such a mystery sometimes.

Probably the single most important thing for your former MIL is her will to live. If she is not tired of the fight, if she is working with her doctors, if she cherishes her independence, and if she wants to do more in life, she will do better than if she is fatigued, weak and not motivated to work at getting better. You can't change how she feels; you can just be there for her, which you already are doing, very well. You can encourage, you can support, and you can make her laugh. You can speak of the future in a matter-of-fact tone. And you can keep bringing those amazing grandkids around, because it sounds like they are some of the true joys in her life.

July 8, 2009 - 9:00am

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