Dear Dr. Klein,
Thanks for this article; it really sums up my experience with this issue... the trust is the most important factor and it leads to wonderful, creative times in the bedroom, which in turn reignites the passion you feel about the relationship itself. It is so rare to have this with a marriage partner and I appreciate that you said many people feel uncomfortable and judged in their primary relationships so they choose to play out their fantasies with someone else.
How incredible would it be for people to learn to accept these pieces of their partners and themselves, and how fewer divorces would we have, I wonder, if we did?
It's something I think about often and I know that while sex itself is healing, liberating, nurturing and fun in so many ways, it is also a microcosm of our most ancient feelings about ourselves and "other" - we play out in this arena our shadows, our demons, our infantile selves, our issues about dependency, control, power, abandonment and rejection as well as our incredible capacity to love, accept, defend, honor, worship, obey.
It's like a physical manifestation of our psyche's hidden truths; our attempts at controlling it and making it disappear never really work. How I marvel at this level of trust - as you pointed out - that is at the heart of letting it out, letting down my guard, being safely explorative and not made to feel a fool - at all.
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Dear Dr. Klein,
Thanks for this article; it really sums up my experience with this issue... the trust is the most important factor and it leads to wonderful, creative times in the bedroom, which in turn reignites the passion you feel about the relationship itself. It is so rare to have this with a marriage partner and I appreciate that you said many people feel uncomfortable and judged in their primary relationships so they choose to play out their fantasies with someone else.
How incredible would it be for people to learn to accept these pieces of their partners and themselves, and how fewer divorces would we have, I wonder, if we did?
It's something I think about often and I know that while sex itself is healing, liberating, nurturing and fun in so many ways, it is also a microcosm of our most ancient feelings about ourselves and "other" - we play out in this arena our shadows, our demons, our infantile selves, our issues about dependency, control, power, abandonment and rejection as well as our incredible capacity to love, accept, defend, honor, worship, obey.
It's like a physical manifestation of our psyche's hidden truths; our attempts at controlling it and making it disappear never really work. How I marvel at this level of trust - as you pointed out - that is at the heart of letting it out, letting down my guard, being safely explorative and not made to feel a fool - at all.
Thanks for your insights.
June 2, 2009 - 5:06pmAimee
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