What many of the women (and men too) in these comments seem to be describing is the "Coolidge effect." If you get a chance, Wikipedia it; it's a funny (and tragic) story. But if comes down to the evolutionary fact that for millions of years, men's genes had a better chance of being passed on based on the more women they slept with. Perversely, women's genes had a better chance of being passed on based on a close relationship with one man who could help provide for the offspring. It's kind of a big cosmic joke. Very funny, very tragic. But there are some things that we can do to override our evolutionary programming. My fiancé and I have found the book, "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow," helpful. It discusses the problem with mating, specifically the problem with male-driven ejaculatory sex, and how people can circumvent it with lots of cuddling and lots of communication - no, REALLY, tell him everything and allow him to tell you, too. We have found other activities such as looking at porn together or going to a strip club together to be ways of learning more about each other's sexuality without condoning or condemning such acts. But for the original poster of the question, it sounds like Step 1 would be some research into the male sex drive (another good book we found is "Sex, Time, and Power") so that she is armed and ready to move on to Step 2: a real heart-to-heart with her man.
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What many of the women (and men too) in these comments seem to be describing is the "Coolidge effect." If you get a chance, Wikipedia it; it's a funny (and tragic) story. But if comes down to the evolutionary fact that for millions of years, men's genes had a better chance of being passed on based on the more women they slept with. Perversely, women's genes had a better chance of being passed on based on a close relationship with one man who could help provide for the offspring. It's kind of a big cosmic joke. Very funny, very tragic. But there are some things that we can do to override our evolutionary programming. My fiancé and I have found the book, "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow," helpful. It discusses the problem with mating, specifically the problem with male-driven ejaculatory sex, and how people can circumvent it with lots of cuddling and lots of communication - no, REALLY, tell him everything and allow him to tell you, too. We have found other activities such as looking at porn together or going to a strip club together to be ways of learning more about each other's sexuality without condoning or condemning such acts. But for the original poster of the question, it sounds like Step 1 would be some research into the male sex drive (another good book we found is "Sex, Time, and Power") so that she is armed and ready to move on to Step 2: a real heart-to-heart with her man.
January 11, 2011 - 2:21pmThis Comment
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