Hi Christine, thank you for your reply. My bf and I are intimate in other ways, yes. We kiss and cuddle on the sofa and go for walks together. He strokes my head and holds my hand. So I know he loves me and that he cares for me. I think it really is a sex is 'on the back burner' situation. Initially, the fact that I could completely be myself around him and he seemed to 'get' me was a real plus point. There was a buzz and spark between us. I have taken your advice and am focusing on that. We have split up 3 times in the past. Not for that long, but it makes me think. The thing I think we need to work on is our communication. We're both runners in that we run at the first sign of danger/fear. So when things started to go wrong or we had an argument, it felt like was the end of the world and there was no way to overcome it. Then we had an 'honestly' stage, where he's constant honesty hurt. So now we're trying to resolve things as they happen and not let things build up. HOWEVER, the sex thing drives me mad. And I have no control over it. We can start to have sex and then he'll lose it because he's not really in the mood. Which I find more hurtful then when he just gets on with getting what he wants and no thinking about my needs. Actually, scratch that, that last thing is more hurtful. I told him not to try if he really isn't in the mood and now he hardly ever tries. Although, he would be happy to let me give him 'attention' all the time and not have full sex with him. Its just very frustrating. And you're right life is too short. Like some of the other women on here, we've spoken about marriage and kids, but I can't see that happening if I'm not sexually happy now. I couldn't imagine a lifetime of this. I'm going to stop ranting now, sorry. Thank you for your advice, I will click the link to the tips pages.
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Hi Christine, thank you for your reply. My bf and I are intimate in other ways, yes. We kiss and cuddle on the sofa and go for walks together. He strokes my head and holds my hand. So I know he loves me and that he cares for me. I think it really is a sex is 'on the back burner' situation. Initially, the fact that I could completely be myself around him and he seemed to 'get' me was a real plus point. There was a buzz and spark between us. I have taken your advice and am focusing on that. We have split up 3 times in the past. Not for that long, but it makes me think. The thing I think we need to work on is our communication. We're both runners in that we run at the first sign of danger/fear. So when things started to go wrong or we had an argument, it felt like was the end of the world and there was no way to overcome it. Then we had an 'honestly' stage, where he's constant honesty hurt. So now we're trying to resolve things as they happen and not let things build up. HOWEVER, the sex thing drives me mad. And I have no control over it. We can start to have sex and then he'll lose it because he's not really in the mood. Which I find more hurtful then when he just gets on with getting what he wants and no thinking about my needs. Actually, scratch that, that last thing is more hurtful. I told him not to try if he really isn't in the mood and now he hardly ever tries. Although, he would be happy to let me give him 'attention' all the time and not have full sex with him. Its just very frustrating. And you're right life is too short. Like some of the other women on here, we've spoken about marriage and kids, but I can't see that happening if I'm not sexually happy now. I couldn't imagine a lifetime of this. I'm going to stop ranting now, sorry. Thank you for your advice, I will click the link to the tips pages.
November 4, 2010 - 2:08pmThis Comment
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