Facebook Pixel

Comment Reply

EmpowHER Guest

I hope a man's exoerience could be helpful to some.

My wife had hers implanted shortly after my daughter was born. I offered to have a vasectomy, but she wanted me to retain the choice for a few more years in case I decided I wanted another child. This was my first, her third. That was five years ago, and we're both around 40 now.

It wasn't until about three years into it that I started to suspect the Mirena was causing her libidinal issues. I initially wrote off the changes to having new baby. Obviously I've never been around a new mom and didn't really know what to expect. She was very much like many of you have described. Sometimes uninterested, sometimes willing to indulge me, but that ends up not being worth the effort for anyone, and really added to the mounting resentment. Sometimes apparently nauseated by the idea of being touched.

As our daughter grew older and more independent, things weren't getting any better. I knew she'd been through motherhood twice, and had a healthy sex drive when we met, so I kept hoping it would return in time. Again, as others have mentioned, I felt I was the problem. She must not be attracted to me anymore.

Finally, at one point when we were discussing our problems (which is difficult but a worthwhile exercise none-the-less), I mentioned it could be related to hormonal inbalance from the iud. It was no more than a guess. She was nearing time to remove and decide on next steps. I was completely against having another implanted. After a little research here and elsewhere, I was convinced this was the problem.

I had a vasectomy. I know I'm done fathering children anyway, so no reason for artificially induce hormone levels on her part. She had the iud removed a couple of weeks ago, and it's like a prayer has been answered.

It isn't all about sex. She wants to be close to me again, on the couch watching a movie. She no longer chooses the chair over a seat next to me on the sofa. An offhand double entendre didn't make her mad anymore. She sleeps closer to me in bed than she has recently. In short, it's like it was before our daughter came into our lives again, which is everything I ever wanted. For the first time in several years, I'm comfortable, confident, and content with our relationship.

It's only been about three weeks since she had it removed. She spotted some afterward, but has not yet had a full cycle. (I understand that is not uncommon at this point.) I'm hoping beyond hope that this is our new normal. As the vasectomy shouldn't affect my hormone levels (and so far doesn't seem to have) I'm optimistic about our future. We've been together for 12 years, and for the first time I feel like we're a happy little family.

If you're having doubts or concerns, talk to your doctor. Maybe even more importantly, talk to your partner! Men are fragile. If it had't been for our daughter (the center of my world), I may have left. The feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction were at times unbearable. Don't allow this to ruin an otherwise good relationship.

April 14, 2017 - 8:15am


Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy