I guess I can answer your question "what kind of woman leaves a sick spouse?" because I am that woman. My ex-husband's illness is depression, although he has been in serious denial for a long time. I believe he's been suffering from it for many years, in retrospect, although I always thought I was the one with the problem. I thought that his anger, lashing out, yelling at our kids, clamming up (sometimes for weeks), and addiction to video games and porn, was because of something I did or didn't do. I took anti-depressants for years for what I thought was my problem. I was finally able to break free and reclaim my life before I lost myself entirely. And, believe me, it was not easy to peel myself away from a two-decade marriage while becoming self-sufficient. My self-esteem was so battered that some days I could not even leave the house. The thought of working full-time outside of the home terrified me. I started very gradually working part-time and some days I would have panic attacks in the car while driving to work because I was afraid that I would fail at my job. One of my very best friends could not understand why I wanted a divorce. She only saw the exterior, the facade of what our marriage appeared to be and might have been. She questioned me over and over again, trying to convince me to keep my family together for the sake of my kids. She had no idea of the isolation and devastating loneliness, or how close I had come to losing myself.
Obviously MS and depression are very different illnesses, however they can be equally destructive. My ex-husband refused to see a therapist, and by the time we finally went to a marriage counselor at the very end as a last ditch effort, it was too late for us. Ending my marriage was like desperately swimming up towards the surface of a deep, dark lake to reach air.
I really feel for you and the excruciating issues you are facing. But I'll attempt to answer your question. The kind of woman who leaves a sick spouse is one who is courageous.
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I guess I can answer your question "what kind of woman leaves a sick spouse?" because I am that woman. My ex-husband's illness is depression, although he has been in serious denial for a long time. I believe he's been suffering from it for many years, in retrospect, although I always thought I was the one with the problem. I thought that his anger, lashing out, yelling at our kids, clamming up (sometimes for weeks), and addiction to video games and porn, was because of something I did or didn't do. I took anti-depressants for years for what I thought was my problem. I was finally able to break free and reclaim my life before I lost myself entirely. And, believe me, it was not easy to peel myself away from a two-decade marriage while becoming self-sufficient. My self-esteem was so battered that some days I could not even leave the house. The thought of working full-time outside of the home terrified me. I started very gradually working part-time and some days I would have panic attacks in the car while driving to work because I was afraid that I would fail at my job. One of my very best friends could not understand why I wanted a divorce. She only saw the exterior, the facade of what our marriage appeared to be and might have been. She questioned me over and over again, trying to convince me to keep my family together for the sake of my kids. She had no idea of the isolation and devastating loneliness, or how close I had come to losing myself.
Obviously MS and depression are very different illnesses, however they can be equally destructive. My ex-husband refused to see a therapist, and by the time we finally went to a marriage counselor at the very end as a last ditch effort, it was too late for us. Ending my marriage was like desperately swimming up towards the surface of a deep, dark lake to reach air.
I really feel for you and the excruciating issues you are facing. But I'll attempt to answer your question. The kind of woman who leaves a sick spouse is one who is courageous.
January 8, 2009 - 10:36pmThis Comment
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