Hi timeforme - It was good to hear from you again, and it's clear you've really been giving your situation a lot of thought. It's unfortunate that your friend made what sounds like a snap judgment of your careful, considered thinking, and, worse, that she blurted it out. She hasn't walked in your shoes, and never can. Sometimes we women forget that real friendship is about unconditional support, through good times and bad, and it's about helping friends in their time of need and not about what we think WE would do or our own life situation. You have multiple lives to consider, and sticking it out "to the end" may not be what is truly in the best interests of you and your children. You are the only one who can make the determination and you are ultimately the only one who will be living with it. Trust me, as someone who has had friends in your exact situation, you will know when you are ready to make your decision.
In the meantime, I like your two-year approach. When I have a major challenge ahead of me and look at the larger picture it can be so overwhelming as to be paralyzing. I've found that by taking the challenge in manageable, smaller segments I am better able to realistically figure out what needs to be done, the timeline, the costs, etc. without the burden of a lot of worry about things that may or may not happen in the future.
Here's something else to think about. If you were in a different situation - let's say you had a husband who was a sex addict and was cheating on you - and you were having to deal with that and plan for a future divorce, well, you know that you would "lose friends" over that even though the situation that caused the divorce was not caused by you and was out of your control. The "friends" that you would lose, in the long run, may not have actually been "friends" in the first place but people in your social circle. I don't know you, and I don't know your friends and am not passing judgment on anyone. I've just observed a lot of human behavior over the years, and women often get hung up in worrying about taking actions due to worrying about what others think when those others are often very fickle. Yes, you may lose friends. Yes, you may end up basically starting a whole new life. You may also gain new friends and have a wonderful, different life. But speculation isn't going to be nearly as helpful as what you're actually doing - using your two-year plan to establish a foundation for your future and to clarify what you need to do. You're on the right path and don't let anyone else tell you anything different!
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Hi timeforme - It was good to hear from you again, and it's clear you've really been giving your situation a lot of thought. It's unfortunate that your friend made what sounds like a snap judgment of your careful, considered thinking, and, worse, that she blurted it out. She hasn't walked in your shoes, and never can. Sometimes we women forget that real friendship is about unconditional support, through good times and bad, and it's about helping friends in their time of need and not about what we think WE would do or our own life situation. You have multiple lives to consider, and sticking it out "to the end" may not be what is truly in the best interests of you and your children. You are the only one who can make the determination and you are ultimately the only one who will be living with it. Trust me, as someone who has had friends in your exact situation, you will know when you are ready to make your decision.
In the meantime, I like your two-year approach. When I have a major challenge ahead of me and look at the larger picture it can be so overwhelming as to be paralyzing. I've found that by taking the challenge in manageable, smaller segments I am better able to realistically figure out what needs to be done, the timeline, the costs, etc. without the burden of a lot of worry about things that may or may not happen in the future.
Here's something else to think about. If you were in a different situation - let's say you had a husband who was a sex addict and was cheating on you - and you were having to deal with that and plan for a future divorce, well, you know that you would "lose friends" over that even though the situation that caused the divorce was not caused by you and was out of your control. The "friends" that you would lose, in the long run, may not have actually been "friends" in the first place but people in your social circle. I don't know you, and I don't know your friends and am not passing judgment on anyone. I've just observed a lot of human behavior over the years, and women often get hung up in worrying about taking actions due to worrying about what others think when those others are often very fickle. Yes, you may lose friends. Yes, you may end up basically starting a whole new life. You may also gain new friends and have a wonderful, different life. But speculation isn't going to be nearly as helpful as what you're actually doing - using your two-year plan to establish a foundation for your future and to clarify what you need to do. You're on the right path and don't let anyone else tell you anything different!
June 22, 2010 - 5:41pmThis Comment
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