Unhealthy Personalities
Don't let these toxic types bring you down.
1. Bullies. It's not just kids who get bullied on the playground, although that's often where it starts. A Canadian study found that, in the workplace, bullying is more harmful than sexual harassment. The study, which was presented at the International Conference on Work, Stress and Health, revealed that compared with employees who reported sexual harassment, bullied employees were more likely to quit their jobs, were more stressed, and had more anger and anxiety. The researchers speculated that the discrepancy may be due in part to there being more resources available to victims of sexual harassment.
2. Abusers. Everyone deserves to live in a safe and respected environment, but abuse is more common than you might expect. According to a domestic violence symposium at Harvard University, half of all women will be in an abusive relationship at some point in their lives. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, help is available. Often local resources can provide assistance; check with your local police station, YMCA, church, synagogue, or other place of worship. Or you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233).
3. Jealous people. Often, people who display signs of jealousy do so because they're not confident in themselves. For example, a study published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior discovered that short men were the most jealous, while very short or very tall women were more jealous than women of average height. The researches speculate that taller men and women of average height were least jealous because they are commonly considered the most attractive to the opposite sex and were most confident in their abilities to attract a mate.
4. Gossips. Though it may seem harmless, gossiping at work can have serious consequences. People perceived as gossips may be passed over for promotions because they are seen as unprofessional and creating divisiveness among other employees, according to the University of Virginia Health System. In addition, gossip can increase the level of anxiety and decrease morale and trust in the office.
5. Toxic people. These kinds of people take you away from other loved ones. They may demand all your time and become upset when you make plans for activities that include other people. In addition, toxic people will always look for negatives in a situation, finding ways to bring you down. It's best to limit your time or distance yourself completely from a toxic person.
6. Cheaters. While it's true that an affair doesn't necessarily mean the end of a relationship—and, in some cases, shouldn't end a relationship—cheating is often a sign of a bigger problem. It's these problems that could signal when it's time to move on. There are 12 common reasons people cheat, according to the Zur Institute, which provides training for psychotherapists. Some of the reasons include these relationship-ending scenarios: avoiding conflict, getting back at a partner, and wanting to exit the marriage.
Source: QualityHealth.com
I just wish I could get information from them without having to answer so many surveys!
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Add a Comment8 Comments
Well, I think you know what I mean. I just don't want our grandson caught in the middle. You're so right, closed minds miss out on so much Life!
March 27, 2010 - 6:58pmThis Comment
I doubt that it is ransom, really, they just want the best for their child, which is a loving and supportive, nurturing environment. Sad for the other grandparents but they have been around for a long time, and if they have not seen what is best yet, if they have their eyes and hearts so tightly closed, then that is actually their problem - that is what I say to my lovely daughter and her husband - I tell them to follow their hearts and do what they feel is best, and I think that the ones that miss out are the ones who are closed to change, you know?
March 27, 2010 - 6:30pmThis Comment
My son and DIL were going through the same agony. But, my son told his MIL that she doesn't come near the baby unless he says it's okay. Therefore, we've spent more time with our grandson than my DIL's family. I told the kids that it's not fair to withhold the child as though he's ransom. However, the kids have agreed that they'd rather their son spend more time with us.
It's a difficult spot to be in!
March 27, 2010 - 6:54pmThis Comment
Thanks, Samiam.
I do try to help them, and I did help my daughter by getting her to understand that she could not change the MIL, she could only change how she reacts to her, and not fire up. Which she is very good at, but it is a real chore, and a real burden. For the little fellow, if his Gramma just once says anything nasty to him, she may not see him again. Like your DIL, my SIL never knew what a family was, a happy family that mucked around and joked and helped each other out - he was stunned. The first time he ate at our home my youngest dropped a plate full of hot food and we all rushed to help her, she had bare feet, and there was china and gravy and food everywhere - then, as we had already served up, we chipped in and shared our dinners with her. He has since told me that when she dropped the plate, he ducked, expecting me to explode at her for dropping it - and I said to him, she didn't want to drop her dinner, and he said that it didn't matter at his place because what ever happened was always considered as a personal attack by his mother - if his school bus was late, he was deliberately trying to upset her, and things like that.
He is the best father - he is so wonderful and loving to his little son, and they have another one coming in four weeks - I wish his mother would get proper therapy, but she is quite wealthy, and instead goes to all sorts of different mediums and people with 'miracle' cures - I don't know how to help them. My daughter resents that she has to work so hard to get along with MIL, and he does not with me, we are just friends, and I don't care if he goes to sleep on the chair - which is fine. But the friction for them is mounting, they know she will want to be the first to hold the baby, and be a real nuisance when they are trying to bond with their child, and establish breast feeding - which she doesn't really approve of.
Sorry - I am just offloading here!
March 27, 2010 - 4:55amThis Comment
My DIL's mother is also a Toxic Person, and doesn't really like anyone but herself, and no one likes her. She tried to intimidate my son, but learned the hard way that wasn't going to happen. She never has anything good to say about her daughter and can't stand it when my son defends my DIL. My poor DIL said she didn't know what good family relations were like until she met our family.
Some people are simply so unhappy with life and have such low self-esteem that they have to lash out at the people who are closest to them. Nothing pleases such a person, and no one wants to try, after a while. It's particularly hard when it's your own mother on the attack. But, I think your in-law probably resents being replaced in her son's life by your lovely daughter; she can't control him, any more.
I worry about your grandson, though. I hope your daughter and SIL can teach him that not everyone is as negative as "Gramma." The person who needs therapy is her, and she should be going with your son so that the psychologist can mediate what they need to work out. Otherwise, she's going to keep up her bad behavior.
Just keep being the loving example of a grandmother that you are so that your grandson learns what a grandma should be like.
Just my humble opinion.
March 27, 2010 - 4:11amThis Comment
It saddens me to see the Toxic Person fits my daughter's mother-in-law to a T - it is no wonder that they (she and her husband) have such trouble being with her - the minute she sees my wonderful, great-hearted, intelligent, hard-working, funny, good, son-in-law, she starts up at him about something - everything always has a negative side. You could not give her a rainbow, she would complain where could she keep it, what does it eat, how can I manage, you never think of me, etc. They can't keep away from her, or they alienate his father also of whom he is so fond. Their little son loves "Pop" also, though he avoids "Gramma". My daughter is alright at shrugging off what is thrown at her, but she fires up at what is thrown at her husband by his mother - and my son-in-law is sometimes unable to speak he gets so furious. So they just leave - and then the next time they go, she starts up about that. I don't see her at all - I have not got good health, and I can't take her constant 'stuff'.
My son-in-law has had two sets of sessions with a psychologist trying to sort out how to deal with her - but she knows his every button. Any advice from anyone?
Crow
March 26, 2010 - 6:22pmThis Comment
Thanks for this list, Alysia. I agree with all six!
One thing I do notice, however, is that the office gossip is often quite popular! I don't know if people have genuine respect for him/her but they are usually seen with a group, whispering away and entertaining the troups - so to speak.
I think people find the office gossip to be quite entertaining but as they listen to his or her story of the day, I hope they remember that they too, are probably at the end of some of his or her gossipy little tales!
August 15, 2008 - 2:27pmThis Comment
I know we've talked about these personalities before. However, I wanted to add a couple of things.
There is something to be said about gossips. As a manager, I learned that office gossip has some basis in truth; you just have to be able to weed the basis from the bunk and not allow yourself to get all wrapped up in it.
About toxic personalities, they come in so many different manifestations from the obviously curmudgeonly to the insipid but sly. Some people can just let things that come out of these folks simply roll off their backs, or ignore them altogether. I have great difficulty in doing that, feeling personally insulted by such folks.
Silly, isn't it?!
August 14, 2008 - 6:57pmThis Comment