The fact that most of you will know what I’m talking about from the title of this article goes to show that the concept of “rough sex” isn’t confined to just the bondage and S&M subset. The phrase most often describes the act of a male thrusting his penis forcefully during intercourse, but can also refer to an action by either partner involving pain or discomfort (pulling hair, grabbing body parts, slapping, etc.).
Many would consider these activities to be reserved exclusively for the BDSM genre, but the fact that they often occur in otherwise “normal” or “vanilla” sexual relationships means that they can’t be considered just a minority behavior.
Some women choose to explore alternative lifestyles in the bedroom; this article is not directed toward them, and is not intended to be a critique of the BDSM lifestyle. This is about women who find themselves engaged in what could be considered as rough sex - when they never asked to.
Why do so many men enjoy rough sex? Anyone who’s ever been manually stimulated by a man knows the answer to this question. When men masturbate, the prevailing rule is “the harder the better.” The more they stroke, pull, and thrust, the closer they get to orgasm.
Women are the exact opposite. According to Heather Corinna, director and founder of the sexual reference website Scarleteen.com, “There are more sensory nerve endings in the clitoris (which is larger than the external portion you can see) than there are in any other body part or organ of either men or women.” Possessing such a sensitive body part means that we can achieve orgasm through MUCH less tactile means - in fact, too much stimulation can be uncomfortable and even painful for women.
Throughout college, sex was almost always painful for me. College boys lacked the experience to determine when they were going to fast or too deep, and I lacked the confidence to tell them. As a result, I would bleed for days from vaginal tears and suffer from a swollen clitoris and labia.
If your partner’s enthusiasm and vigor turns you on, then by all means, welcome rough sex into your bedroom with open arms – but only if you’re positive that you’ll have the self-respect to say “stop” if it becomes uncomfortable. Also keep in mind that it’s a sliding slope. As men become more comfortable with their partners, they feel freer to pursue pleasure without worrying so much about their partner’s satisfaction. Speaking up is the only way that a man will understand how you feel.
The biggest turn-on for a man is to know that his partner is enjoying the experience. If rough sex turns into a test against your pain threshold, I urge you to tell him right away. Chances are he has no idea, and you at least owe him that much.