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Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

By May 19, 2009 - 9:46am
 
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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

ive been with my boyfriend for 5years now, & where about to have a baby together, all of a sudden hes stopped going near me & not doing anything at all together, hes said it isnt working anymore, not sure if its to do with the baby, but he says it isnt, when i 1st told him i was pregnant he took it badly & started to panic & say it isnt working, we was talking about it last night about our relationship & ( he said when was the last time we did anything together) he said im not going to make it work it should already work :Sand say if i want him he wont give in to me? what seems to be the problem?? :( but im not to sure how to save the relationship, could any of use help me please,?

thanks.!

July 7, 2012 - 11:50am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

How old is he? Is he saying that he can't "get it up" , or is the relationship "not working"? I don't want to worry you being pregnant and all, but my moms husband was telling her he couldn't get it up for a year and was cheating on her. He was taking testosterone shots and viagra and wasn't telling her. He had an affair for an entire year!

July 7, 2012 - 4:11pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

im glad to know I'm not the only one not getting any! i wish guys would just grow a pair and f**k their woman! lol

July 6, 2012 - 4:32pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Well I'm going through the same thing and I wish I had an answer for you. All that I can say is that maybe he's comfortable with you, and there truly is more to your relationship than sex. He's probably realized you're his friend and not just his girlfriend. It seems to make much more sense when I'm saying this to you other than applying it to my own situation. I asked my boyfriend was it me and he said no. He just doesn't feel like doing it...soo... IDK....good luck with it though

July 6, 2012 - 2:16pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

well this is from a guy point of view.
stfu.

July 5, 2012 - 3:18pm

Hey Ladies, I also went through this 2 with my current BF. we have been together for 2.5 yrs. We love each other very much. So what I find is that us women beat ourselves up wayyyyyy to much and that we do over analyze this situation, as did I. But I want u all to no that my BF wasn't cheating wen he stopped wanting it. He was purely in a phunk, i dont understand it and i dont think we r supposed to. My BF sex-drive went from 100-0 like over a period of 3-4months. I jumped to every conclusion possible, but in my head I just knew that whatever situation came to my head, it couldnt be true. Ladies u no what i did to make him want it again!!!! I simply did what he was doing!!!! Thats right, I started acting not interested and stop paying attention 2 him! and the 1st time he wanted it again, I SHUT HIM DOWN( Which believe me was so hard) cause i had been so sex deprived!. But wen guys 1st meet u, its a challenge to get in our pants! and now we r throwin ourselves at them for sex or the min. he touches us we get up and get naked and jump his bones! there is no longer a challenge. So i guess basically give him a tase of his own medicine! cause ladies, do u remember times u turned him down cause u were "2 tired"? and it made him want u more the next couple days? So give as much time as he needs, trust me u learn to turn ur libido off and play his game cause it should work 2 ur benefit! has any other women tried this? if u have write about it! and lets help each other by giving possible solutions and not opinions!

June 13, 2012 - 6:25am

Hey Ladies, I also went through this 2 with my current BF. we have been together for 2.5 yrs. We love each other very much. So what I find is that us women beat ourselves up wayyyyyy to much and that we do over analyze this situation, as did I. But I want u all to no that my BF wasn't cheating wen he stopped wanting it. He was purely in a phunk, i dont understand it and i dont think we r supposed to. My BF sex-drive went from 100-0 like over a period of 3-4months. I jumped to every conclusion possible, but in my head I just knew that whatever situation came to my head, it couldnt be true. Ladies u no what i did to make him want it again!!!! I simply did what he was doing!!!! Thats right, I started acting not interested and stop paying attention 2 him! and the 1st time he wanted it again, I SHUT HIM DOWN( Which believe me was so hard) cause i had been so sex deprived!. But wen guys 1st meet u, its a challenge to get in our pants! and now we r throwin ourselves at them for sex or the min. he touches us we get up and get naked and jump his bones! there is no longer a challenge. So i guess basically give him a tase of his own medicine! cause ladies, do u remember times u turned him down cause u were "2 tired"? and it made him want u more the next couple days? So give as much time as he needs, trust me u learn to turn ur libido off and play his game cause it should work 2 ur benefit! has any other women tried this? if u have write about it! and lets help each other by giving possible solutions and not opinions!

June 13, 2012 - 6:25am

Hey Ladies, I also went through this 2 with my current BF. we have been together for 2.5 yrs. We love each other very much. So what I find is that us women beat ourselves up wayyyyyy to much and that we do over analyze this situation, as did I. But I want u all to no that my BF wasn't cheating wen he stopped wanting it. He was purely in a phunk, i dont understand it and i dont think we r supposed to. My BF sex-drive went from 100-0 like over a period of 3-4months. I jumped to every conclusion possible, but in my head I just knew that whatever situation came to my head, it couldnt be true. Ladies u no what i did to make him want it again!!!! I simply did what he was doing!!!! Thats right, I started acting not interested and stop paying attention 2 him! and the 1st time he wanted it again, I SHUT HIM DOWN( Which believe me was so hard) cause i had been so sex deprived!. But wen guys 1st meet u, its a challenge to get in our pants! and now we r throwin ourselves at them for sex or the min. he touches us we get up and get naked and jump his bones! there is no longer a challenge. So i guess basically give him a tase of his own medicine! cause ladies, do u remember times u turned him down cause u were "2 tired"? and it made him want u more the next couple days? So give as much time as he needs, trust me u learn to turn ur libido off and play his game cause it should work 2 ur benefit! has any other women tried this? if u have write about it! and lets help each other by giving possible solutions and not opinions!

June 13, 2012 - 6:25am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My boyfriend overall acts completely interested. I did not have a severe decrease in sex life but there has been some, along with affection. We've been together for 3 years, and at this point I'm still heavily attracted to him. We used to have sex 2-3 times a day in the beginning and that dwindled to once a day, to once every two days, and finally, to now once every two weeks or so. I have the same issue as the writer above, I don't want to force him to have sex because he feels obliged, but I genuinely want him to desire me. Which does not seem to be the case anymore. There's an epic lack of foreplay and I'm nowhere near where I need to be to be sexually stimulated, as well as I feel we no longer connect on a romantic level. I just want to fix this somehow, I like to have raw intercourse but there are times I would enjoy love-making sessions too. It has been taxing on my self-esteem and my appearance. I don't know what to do anymore. We hardly kiss. =[

June 6, 2012 - 10:23am

Hi everybody and I'm so glad that I found this site! I could not sleep last night, again & decided to hit the computer for advise on why I feel so rejected, lonely in a almost 3 year relationship with my current boyfriend. Ladies, need advise desperatly. I read this blog and so surprised to find out that many women experienced same situation that I am in I love my BF and we kind of live together and when we first started to date he vood me me w/ flowers, dinners etc.. he paid attention to my needs, complimented more & our Sex Life was awesome! He could not keep his hands off of me and sex was few times a week at least whenever we were able to get alone time, since my daughter lives with me. But, in the last 5 or 6 months our relationship has been under fire were constatly arguing, fighting about his weekly late outing with the boys and caught him lying several times. My BF & I are 50 and were both divorced have kids in another words were older and should be wiser to make relationship work second time around? He keeps telling me that he is doing nothing wrong just hanging out with the boys! But, my womends intuation is telling me otherwise. Does not make sense the lies, late nigt boys night at a local bar at least 3 x's a week or longer. In the course of arguing about his bar habits & ofcourse the shit hits the fan about our relationship and No sex maybe once a moth in the last several months and thats me pushing the issue. He's response that he is under stress and points the finger at me for the lack of sex. That he does not want becuz of my nagging about this & that. This I find a cop out and he is not honest with his anwsers. I asked him to see a Dr for the low sex drive and he refuses and actually caught him Lying that he did see his Dr. and he brought home sample of viagara that Dr, supposedly gave him. Did not belive him and called the Dr's office and he was never there, he lied to shut me up! I confronted him and he promised to see a Dr. this was 2 months ago, since then has not made any attempt to go. I dont know what to do & have not asked him further in the meantime our SEx life remains the same, no sex or cuddling etc..
I'm very frustrated and starting to think that he is seeing somebody else or doing somebody else? I've asked him but he said no. Last week we got into a huge fight he came home around 10:30 without not knowing his wereabouts, he was a little tipsy & during the arguments he recieves phone call mind you it's after 11:00pm and I asked him to show me the phone # but instead deleted the #. He blamed it as being drunk and not knowing what he was doing. BS! He knew exactly what he was doing Hiding the # his guy friends will not call that late, so who called him wheare he is makin excuses.. He wont let me see his phone, asked him for the # and his making excuses. I told him he has to get the # for me otherwise I will investigate and get it Myself! Do you blame me and know my mind I'm thinkg all this other stuff that he is cheating etc...OMG, can't sleep and constantly wondering if this is the case. I confronted him and of course cried and the he has to prove that I'm wrong, The proof is in the pudding. But just last night he got home not very late but around 8:00sh but just had a feeling he was dressed and groomed more then usual and no Kiss when he walked in & confronted him again not about his appearance not to be to obvious but the fact no kiss to say Hi babe or the nigt before NO kiss for goodnight. Again, were arguing and left mad this morning for work.
I'm tired of feeling neglected, lonely and feel that he may be cheating the sighn are there but no actuall evidence.. I'm thinking every minute since last week that phone # is the anwser but at the same time scared of the Truth. Please tell me what to do, I can't keep feeling like this and pretending to be happy where I'm miserable inside.
At the same time If I'm wrong can loose him with my suspicions.
Has anyone to advise if in the same situation, appreciate any replies, ideas.

June 5, 2012 - 5:27am
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