Poor Maury Povich. He will have a harder time now booking guests.

If this product is selling well across the country, like they say it is, we've all got some really screwed up people living near us. Lowengail, that's so funny! Maury Povich must be getting a cut on the sales. BY THE WAY - Our parents and grandparents never needed this product, did they? And my sisters don't look anything like me.

It's nice to be a regular. You know, "Cheers" style - where everybody knows your name. But, uh, not on Maury. Nope, not so much. When you are on 17 times to find out who the father of your baby is, you may want to sit down and reevaluate your, well... 'dating' strategies. Not to mention the way they yell and scream and point to blown up pictures of the baby and this weeks alleged father and remark about the nose being identical, the eyes etc. And she is always 137% sure he's the Dad. One bright spark even said she just KNEW Candidate #17 was the daddy because her newborn was bald...just like him. Since a bald newborn is such a rarity, I think she's right on the money! Oh dear. Another application for Rocket Science School avoided. Best part is when they race off the stage, screaming with horror and sadness. And Candidate 17 is slapping high-fives with the audience. Jumping around like he won the lotto. He was 162% sure he was not the Dad. Or worse, when he's up there with Candidate #'s 14, 15 and 16 and they all hug each other. I think our confused lady brings new meaning to the expression 'Busy Mom'. But never fear - Maury is back stage with Mom, patting her back and reassuring her that she can come on again and have Candidates #'s 18 - 25 tested. Mom - with an astounding lack of shame- agrees that she can come up with 8 more names (she is 625% sure one of them will be the Dad) and off the Producers go, another busy week ahead of them. Their future employment guaranteed. On the occasions that he IS the father (and Maury likes to yell that part) it's Dad's turn to run off the stage as Mom stomps around the stage, screaming "oh yeah! oh yeah!" and doing a strange kind of victory dance (come on now, you know the one) and Dad's new girlfriend (who has a baby with him the same age as Mom's baby) runs back with Dad. Dad says he'll support both babies (he's a stand up kinda guy) and his new woman clings and hugs him. Because it's not quite clicking with our second rocket scientist that if both women's babies are the same age, then Stand Up Guy is a serial cheater and needs a court-ordered vasectomy. Whoulda thunk old Maury would make our friend Springer look positively classy!