Women as Workaholics - The Admirable Addiction
If we heard that someone was a workaholic 30 years ago (if we even used that term back then) I bet most of us would assume the culprit was male. I bet all of us would.
But women as workaholics is a reality that is rapidly growing in numbers.
Workaholism has been called everything from the Best Dressed Addiction to the Respectable Addiction and for good reason. What is there not to admire about someone who puts in long hours at the office? Who stays until the job is done, no matter what she has to miss...a t-ball game, a graduation, a night out with the girls or a date-night with the husband. Someone who takes the reigns and follows through on a constant and thorough basis, and who is on 24/7 is a gift to any organization.
That may be true for the organization's bottom line. But for her co-workers she may be a demanding perfectionist whose need to control every aspect of work leads to water-cooler complaints and colleagues who'd rather spend the afternoon at a gynecologist's office than with the company 'go-getter'.
The fall-out of the workaholic is most serious at home. Children are lucky to spend one night a week with Mom and even then she's glued to her Blackberry. They smile through canceled parties and play-dates or assume that Dad or the babysitter will be taking them to swimming lessons. Husbands barely see their wives and when he does, she's too tired to talk, to fool around or to ask him how his day went. The single workaholic doesn't date because she doesn't have time, or lost her boyfriend because he saw her dog more than he saw her (offering to walk her pooch if she had late meetings turned into a daily chore).
Women who take time off for maternity leave are sometimes made to feel like they 'owe' the company by doing double duty when they return. Or to break that glass ceiling they have to prove their worthiness by staying on when everyone else has gone home. Often women in corporate America will tell you they feel they have to work twice as hard to get equal respect.
And it's not always working women. Stay-at-home mothers may also exhibit workaholic traits. Feeling the need to organize every party, every play-date and attend every school function and serve on every community committee can be just as exhausting and stressful for her, and her family suffer the same consequences as that of the working mother.
Bryan Robinson, Robinson, a psychotherapist in Asheville, N.C., and professor emeritus at the University of North Carolina, Charlotte, talked to WebMD about workaholics and workaholic women. He said that there are four categories of workaholics. They are:
1. "The bulimic workaholic feels the job must be done perfectly or not at all. Bulimic workaholics often can't get started on projects, and then scramble to complete it by deadline, often frantically working to the point of exhaustion -- with sloppy results.
2. The relentless workaholic is the adrenaline junkie who often takes on more work than can possibly be done. In an attempt to juggle too many balls, they often work too fast or are too busy for careful, thorough results.
3. The attention-deficit workaholic often starts with fury, but fails to finish projects -- often because they lose interest for another project. They often savor the "brainstorming" aspects but get easily bored with the necessary details or follow-through.
4. The savoring workaholic is slow, methodical, and overly scrupulous. They often have trouble letting go of projects and don't work well with others. These are often consummate perfectionists, frequently missing deadlines because "it's not perfect." "
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=51425
He also adds that ""...one thing that we do know is that workaholics tend to seek out jobs that allow them to exercise their addiction. The workplace itself does not create the addiction any more than the supermarket creates food addiction, but it does enable it. Workaholics tend to seek high-stress jobs to keep the adrenaline rush going." "
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=51425
So what does one do about workaholism? Like any addiction, blaming the workaholic woman for her addiction is pointless. Supporting her and guiding her to controlling the addiction is not. There is actually a 12-step program for workaholics, similar to other 12-step programs. Click on www.workaholics-anonymous.org for more information. Counseling can also be of enormous benefit.
What may not be as helpful? Going to your boss about it. Corporations don't tend to see workaholism as a problem (I wonder why?) and tend to reward it, rather than encourage their employees to see ways to end the addiction.
To get an idea of whether you may be treading a fine line, click here to take the workaholics quiz http://www.forbes.com/2005/11/14/workaholic-quiz-careers-cx_1117_bizbasi...
I scored a 56. No slacker here, but no workaholic either!
And tell us -
Do you consider yourself a workaholic? Or do you know someone who is? How has it affected your life or your loved ones?
Comments
You bring up some excellent points in this SHARE, Susan as I know many women who cannot stay off the clock so to speak.
I know women who own their own businesses who are in constant networking mode and women who work 10- to 12-hour days in corporate jobs. But most frequently, I meet many Wonder Mothers, who never find a moment for themselves. My sister-in-law falls into this category as she was pulling weeds in 100-degree heat while seven months pregnant.
Do you think women are following in the footsteps of men in becoming workaholics? Or do you think life demands a level of commitment that wasn't there in the past?
I actually found myself thinking about these types of questions over the weekend as I was covering for someone I would consider a bona fide workaholic.
To your point, we can't underestimate the toll workaholism takes on families, coworkers and the workaholic herself. Burnout and fatigue will quickly settle in and we all know how nasty stress can be.
I also took the Forbes test and scored a wee 49. Not too bad. But having worked nearly everday since March, I think it's time I take a break. Thanks for the reminder.
I know we all need to work and succeed and pay our bills, Tina but that is just not healthy.
You need a rest, woman! A few days off, somewhere quiet where no-one (not even me!) has access to you.
I think you and husband need a vacation. Nothing mad or strenuous - I don't think one of those hiking/workout camps is what should be on the menu! I'm thinking water, sand, a cocktail, a hammock and a good book. Working this hard, you absolutely deserve it and you need it!
I am a recovering workaholic. When my children were very young, I held an executive position in a demanding industry; my husband and I were constantly traveling; I held offices in a few professional and volunteer organizations; was on the speaker's route, and totally exhausted - but loving it. Fortunately, I had help with my kids and a system for keeping the household organized. I was not only a perfectionist, every project came in on time and on budget, if not ahead of schedule.
Unfortunately, being such a workaholic, largely not being able to say "no," led to serious fatigue. Coincidentally, I was diagnosed with lupus and had to give up the professional life. That was not easy!
My husband is the workaholic who missed the growing years with the kids. It was up to me to make the school concerts, ball games and scout meetings and events. Of this, though, I'm very proud, because I didn't miss the events that were important to my kids.
I can say firsthand that there is nothing admirable about being a workaholic. It does negatively impact the family, and the marriage. It's important to get one's life priorities in order, and the job should never come first. I know, that's a tall order when the job is what pays the bills, or when the employer is less than flexible. Find a new employer, or find another way to generate an income. I know, that's hard, too. But, if one can get her priorities straight, she can achieve anything.
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