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Dear Fearless Parent:

DON'T be too hard on yourself but make sure you learn from this terrible experience.

I had a similar experience with my daughter who was only 4 at the time and had to get a cavity filled. They had given her a sedative to put her in a twilight sleep while they filled the cavity. After she was given the sedative , they wanted to take her into another room away from me to do the procedure. My daughter started to scream, and the nurse ushered me out, I could hear her screaming from the waiting room, and my instincts told me to go in and hold her hand to calm her down but the dental assistant insisted every thing was alright. I can't tell you the guilt I felt as well as how stupid I felt for not trusting my instincts and not going back to comfort my daughter. I guess I was a little worried about what people would think. Now I know I don't care what other people think, it's more important to ALWAYS trust your instincts. Just recalling this memory almost makes me cry today even though it took place over 9 years ago.

So from this day forward......TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

I would highly recommend you find another doctor she does not sound very good.

I think your post is SO IMPORTANT for other women to see. Thank you so much for taking time out to share your experience.

You really do get me! Thanks so much for what you've shared. It helps so much to be able to vent in a safe forum like this.

I didn't give the end of that story did I? Not only was that our only visit in her office, but we are with a fabulous team of providers now. We actually coordinate our own healthcare mastermind group through the use of an Accupuncturist, an Osteopathic Pediatrician and a few others as needed. I interview her Pediatrician in a 7-week audio training series for families. You wouldn't expect that someone like me would have started the Fearless Parenting Institute. But having to work through more fears than most may give me a leg up on understanding others, I suppose. Take care. :)

There's a fearless parent in all of us.
Seen yours lately?

Adelaide Zindler, FP (Fearless Parent)
www.FearlessParenting.com

I agree; I think ALL parents have similar stories like this one. We are taught that doctors are the primary source of all information and caring for our health. My son was born two months early, and had a (relatively) short stay in the NICU. I had a difficult recovery from delivery, and was not able to spend the night in the NICU, even if they didn't have "visiting hours" that ended at 9pm. The first 2 weeks of my life as a new mom, my son went through procedures and tests that I didn't even KNOW about until I read his discharge papers! (oh, the doctors would spout-out what was done the previous day during their rounds, as I'm desperately trying to breastfeed my baby behind a flimsy hospital curtain and trying to maneuver him in such a way so that his tubes and IVs and monitors don't come out and set off the alarms...wow, thinking back on this, I'm amazed at what we went through!

Luckily, we had AMAZING doctors. Some were not good, as the ones who breezed by us during their rounds treated us like objects (I felt like I was on TV; it was that contrived). However, we wrote down what they said (which made them slow down), and then the nurse and other doctors we saw we would ask them "what it meant". I received enough information to then do some research on the internet, ande that also helped me to ask "better" questions. Ugh...but it was all AFTER the procedures and I wasn't there for the little guy to console him (I was horrified that the "jury is still out" as to whether newborns feel pain the same way older kids/adults do; some don't receive pain medication for minor surgery!).

It's also a tough balance between consoling your child, and letting others console him/her. A few times, I let a nurse console my child during shots, and she was wonderful (I was right there). It was honestly difficult to tell whether my feelings were my 'instincts' telling me I should console him and not the nurse, or if I was just nervous with his crying.

I've found for me, that sometimes it is helpful for my son to know that there are other kind, nice, caring people who can offer emotional support for my son; I don't want to be the only in his life to be able to console him. What a difficult balance that I'm still trying to explore.

Hey Alison, How true it is

I am beginning to realize that our intuition is challenged as new parents more by our own choices: dads included. You didn't say how old you child is now, but I suspect that you have had many more empowering opportunities to parent without fear since then. While I will not go into the detail as it is more painful for me to describe than you might believe. The mystery of physical touch has been solved. Our children are recorded to feel touch before we know we are even pregnant. So by the time of a newborn's male surgery I assure you they feel it intensely. A friend of mine gave birth in the olden days (she is a senior citizen) and for whatever reason they did not remove her from the room. I cringe every time she even describes the scene of what she saw happening before her eyes. Our greatest challenge in America is the re-awakening of our own instincts and fearlessness. It was Hitler who said it best.

"By the skillful and sustained use of propaganda, one can make a people see even heaven as hell or an extremely wretched life as paradise... Demoralize the enemy from within by surprise, terror, sabotage, assassination. This is the war of the future... How fortunate for leaders that men do not think..."

You should study him sometimes with one eye on comparing his teachings with the outcomes we are getting in pediatric education and healthcare, and like me you'll be able to unearth the mindset of the contractors we hire as parents in America. It will make you fearless or nothing ever will! Thanks so much for sharing with me.

There's a fearless parent in all us.
Seen yours lately?

Adelaide Zindler, FP (Fearless Parent)
www.FearlessParenting.com